The bright side of being a sober flight attendant

My name is Lori, and I am an alcoholic. I’m also a flight attendant. I’ve been flying since April of 2006 and I’ve been in recovery since November 1, 2010. I got sober because I was in danger of losing my job. By the time that you read this commentary, I’m sure that many of you will have read the article by Natasha Frost that was published this week on QZ.com. Personally, I was sent the article seven times in less than 20 minutes by friends in the industry and outside of it. People in my recovery circles always ask me if the job is a breeding ground for alcoholism and while I don’t know the answer to the question, it’s something I ruminate on often. To me, it’s much like the question about what comes first…the chicken or the egg? Are you drawn to the job because you have alcoholic tendencies and the freedom of the job makes it easier to hide that part of yourself behind the veil of glamour and secret hotel drinking? Or does the inevitable loneliness of the job sink in, making you believe that you are chained to the issues of alcoholism and depression that the column by Ms. Frost details? Personally, I believe that I was drinking alcoholically long before I got my wings, but the job certainly didn’t help my tendency to over-imbibe. I can recall a lot of lonely nights spent drinking alone in my crash pad and hotel rooms.

2009 was the first time I sought help for my depression and loneliness. I found a therapist who didn’t hold me accountable when I spoke up about my tendency to push the limits with drinking. After ten years of active therapy, I can tell you that good therapy involves someone who will hold you accountable when you speak up about harmful behaviors. For anyone reading this, I encourage you to find someone in your life who can present this type of relationship, even if it’s a friend or partner. Someone who will challenge you to do better. When my therapist failed to meet this expectation, my drinking only got worse. This was not their fault, it’s an outcome of addiction. I knew I wanted to get off the Merry-Go-Round and had started to admit that to myself and someone else. No one was giving me a solution to getting off the endless loop and I didn’t know how to make the ride stop myself.

By October of 2010, I had alienated most of my family and friends. My job was in jeopardy, my finances were in shambles, and my health was declining. I had to change the way that I was living, or I was going to end up losing my job and everything else that I had going for me. I turned to a friend who was a sober flight attendant and he took me to my first AA meeting. A few weeks later, I made the decision to try living sober. My first sober layover was in Philadelphia. I was terrified, because once upon a time, that was my favorite place to drink. I found a meeting that started at midnight and I made my way there. I raised my hand for the first time as a visitor to the area and told them all, “My name is Lori and I’m an Alcoholic from Chicago”. After the meeting, they invited me out to a greasy diner for decaf and fellowship. While we sat at that table and talked about sobriety, I realized it was the first time in many years that I didn’t feel lonely on a layover.

The number one wish I had for myself before I quit drinking was more stamps on my passport. Unfortunately, I was spending all of my extra money on alcohol, so getting my life together in a way that allowed travel was not possible. If you know anyone in active addiction, you know that they talk a big talk, but when it comes down to getting things done, they are unreliable people. Shortly after I celebrated one year sober, I traveled to Southeast Asia with friends. We hit meetings in Thailand and Vietnam. Later that year, I backpacked through Spain and Portugal by myself, making friends at meetings everywhere. I’ve now been to meetings in every place I’ve traveled. There are Facebook groups for sober travelers where you can connect with others and find info about meetings wherever you are headed. I’ve met some of the coolest people at meetings around the world, who have shown me that I do not have to do anything alone.

Malcolm X once said that “When I is replaced with We, Illness becomes Wellness.” This is important to mention in relation to this article, because what I observed when reading it is how many of us are struggling with feelings of loneliness. Addiction works in the brain in a way that makes people afflicted with it feel like they are alone. I’m writing this response to Ms. Frost’s article, because while there was good info about the struggles of flight attendants, I also sensed a lot of hopelessness. The last paragraph seemed to imply that there isn’t hope for being happy if you give up drinking and keep flying and so I want to say that my experience has been the opposite.

The experiences that I have had as a result of getting sober and staying sober while flying are beyond what I ever imagined for myself when I was in the throes of my addiction. Yes, the job can be exhausting. Working with the public is hard and it continues to get hard. In fact, 2019 was the hardest year of flying for me yet. My feelings about work getting harder have led me back to school, where I plan to become a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. After years of working with FADAP to help struggling flight attendants, I’ve decided that I want to get licensed to become a therapist, while still holding hoping that I will want to continue to fly until it’s time for me to retire. I went back to school as soon as I started feeling uncomfortable because recovery has taught me that action is the only response to troubling times. If I am an unhappy with something in my life, I need to take action to make it change. Guess what? Going back to school has helped me find a new sense of purpose and that new sense of purpose makes putting up with the daily frustrations at work a lot more manageable.

Our literature in Alcoholics Anonymous says that “we are people who would not usually mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendship, and understanding which is indescribably wonderful.” This is 100% true about recovery, but I’ve often felt this way about my fellow flight attendants as well. We have an understanding of each other’s lives that no one else has, which is why it is important that we look out for each other. When I read Ms. Frost’s piece about the dark side of our job and the way that so many are silently struggling, I was compelled to write this piece because I think it is important to note that there is hope in getting sober, staying sober, and enjoying life as a flight attendant.